Life is difficult in 2023. Whether it’s more difficult in 2023 than in 1953 is debatable, but what is certain is that our access and exposure to news and information is greater than at any point in history. And although good news is out there, let’s be honest; bad news is more common. Just spend a few minutes scrolling through any news feed and you’ll see that most of the stories are about issues of concern. Stories about war, climate change, financial market fears, politics and countless other similar topics pop up constantly. The COVID pandemic is behind us, yet there are now stories about which virus could become the next pandemic! Even if you’re old school and watch your local news on network television, you’ll notice that 75% of the stories being shown are about tragedies and scary things happening in your community.
While world and local events can certainly be a cause for worry, we also have personal situations that may trouble us. Many people experience occasional concerns about money, family and health, but these often can spiral into worry as well. Sometimes, you think about all of these issues for a few moments and then move on. Other times, you’re more concerned and your mind digs a little deeper. Occasionally, your concern about something lingers for a more extended period of time and these concerns become a repetitive and daily event. For some people, it may seem that their mind is being hijacked by these thoughts and interferes with their quality of life. What can you do?
Worry can be thought of as the cognitive or mental part of anxiety. The act of worrying involves repetitive thoughts that contribute to fear and other anxiety symptoms. Worrying can affect your ability to relax, enjoy free time with friends and family, and even interfere with sleep. Worse yet, anxiety and worry have been linked to several maladaptive behaviors and poor health outcomes. For example, chronic worry can lead to emotional-based eating, smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, drug use and other concerns.
While nobody knows for sure what causes some people to worry about things while others do not, being told “don’t worry about it” or “you have to learn to let things go,” doesn’t particularly help. So let’s try to understand some contributors to worry are and what you can do about it.
Worry is your mind’s misguided effort to try to help
The human mind is a problem-solving machine. It’s what we do best. No species is as good at solving problems, especially complex problems like we are. So when a concern pops up in your mind, your mind’s first impulse is to try to problem-solve. Most of the time, this automatic problem-solving impulse is very helpful. But what happens when your mind tries to solve a problem that isn’t a problem? What if global warming gets so bad that New York City is under water? What if I get diagnosed with cancer someday? What if I lose my job in 5 years? What if one of my kids gets kidnapped? While you might immediately be tempted to try to answer these questions, it’s actually a trap. You’re being set up by your mind.
The problem isn’t “what do I do if I get cancer someday” or “what if global warming floods New York City.” In truth, these are just thoughts, not actual problems to solve. You don’t have to answer these questions at all.
Learn to observe your thoughts and not engage with them
When your mind commands, “You must come up with an answer to this question!,” your response should be “No I don’t!” Learn to observe your thoughts without engaging with them, the same way that you would observe clouds moving through the sky, or leaves floating down a stream. You don’t have to get into a game of tug-of-war with them. Drop the rope and walk away! Another way of thinking about this comes from the game of baseball. When your mind throws a pitch you don’t like, you don’t have to swing at it! Just let the ball go by.
Embrace the mindset that worrying is the problem, NOT what you’re worrying about
In psychology speak, this is referred to as“context vs. content.”The content is what you are worrying about (money, health, etc..). The context is the fact that you are worrying at all. Once again, don’t swing at the pitch and fall into the trap of believing that “this time the content is real!” If the thoughts you are struggling with pop up over and over again, it’s likely that worrying is the problem, not what you are worrying about.
Worrying is a habit that you can strengthen or weaken. Stop building the worry muscle
Worries pop in your mind and make you jump, just like a two-year old sneaking up behind you and yelling “Boo!!” You jump every time. But if the two year old does it over and over again after one or two times, you stop jumping. You learn not to respond to it. So when you’re mind starts to worry, save it for later. A great idea (that might sound a bit strange) is to schedule worry times during your day. Two twenty-minute sessions should do nicely. Schedule a specific time period during which you can worry your little heart out. Allow yourself to consider every scary thought imaginable. See what pops up and let it bounce around in your mind; but when the twenty minutes is over, it’s over. If worries pop up at other times, remind yourself “I’m not going to wrestle with these thoughts now, I’ve scheduled 20 minutes to worry about this later today or it will wait until tomorrow.” In this way, you show your mind who’s boss. It takes some practice, and your mind will not be eager to fall in line, but over time, you’ll be able to compartmentalize your worrying.
When the worry monster strikes, ask him some questions
Worries pop up on their own schedule and often begin with “what if….” Imagine that there’s a little green gremlin in your mind and he’s the one asking the “what if” questions. Imagine that his voice is like a goblin or a troll. When he starts asking those “what if” questions, turn to him
and ask “Do you have anything new for me today to consider or is this just the same old nonsense?” Again, you’re the boss. You’re acknowledging that your mind is trying to hook you, just like a fish on a fishing line and reel you into the worry zone. Don’t take the bait! Instead, acknowledge the worry monster’s question, but then let it go and move on.
Engage in the present
Here’s an interesting fact about worry. 99% of the time, you’re worrying about the future, not the present. A famous quote states “I’ve been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually occurred.” It’s a great quote that correctly points out that humans have this incredible ability to make themselves terribly upset about things in the here and now, even though many or most of the things they worry about never happen! A better strategy would be to focus on the here-and-now and tell yourself that you’ll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow. Maybe you’re one of those people who believes “If I don’t get my hopes up, I won’t be disappointed later,” or “Expect the worst but hope for the best.” It may seem that thinking this way protects you from misery or disappointment, but it doesn’t really help at all—it just makes you miserable now AND later.
If you insist on trying to solve the problem your mind is posing; do so wisely
Let’s say you really are worried about getting cancer someday. What can you do? Eat right, exercise, don’t smoke, eat less processed foods, and a few other things. But what else? Can you actually guarantee that you won’t get cancer? Unfortunately not. What about solving global warming. You can do everything YOU can do. Buy an electric car if you want, reduce your carbon footprint, recycle and other things. But can you absolutely prevent global warming? No.
A critical part of letting go of worry is accepting what you can and cannot change. Once you acknowledge that you’re dealing with something you cannot change, try to employ some of the other strategies we’ve discussed.
The principles and concepts in this article are based upon Cognitive-Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). CBT and ACT are evidence-based psychotherapies that have been shown to be very effective for a variety of problems including chronic worry. For more information, contact Dr. Huberman.
Warren L. Huberman, PhD, ABPP is a Clinical Psychologist, Board Certified in Behavioral and Cognitive Psychology licensed in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and holds a telehealth license in Florida. Dr. Huberman has worked with individuals and groups in the field of weight loss for over 25 years. He is the author of “Through Thick and Thin: The Emotional Journey of Weight Loss Surgery,” which addresses many of the experiences of those experiencing dramatic weight loss. He can be reached at 212-983-6225 or wh@warrenhuberman.com.